Happy (?) Birthday
Yesterday I woke up feeling glum. Despite the fact that it was my birthday, I had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness that lingered most of the day. By all accounts I didn’t have any real reason to feel that way. I received many, many warm birthday greetings from friends and family, both online and via telephone. The day was nice and sunny with the temperature reaching 70 degrees Fahrenheit. However, all I wanted to do was sit at home and occasionally cry.
I’m not typically a moody person. Yet, occasionally I get melancholy and my brain takes advantage of that and manufactures all sorts of reasons why I should stay that way. For example, I became convinced that my husband had forgotten my birthday even though we’d talked about it the night before. Then, when he arrived home from work and wanted to know if I still wanted to go out for my birthday dinner, I got even more glum. I started thinking about the fact that my toddler doesn’t handle late dinners very well and almost called the whole thing off. I seriously spent about 15 minutes laying on my bed feeling anxious about my birthday dinner.
However, I managed to convince myself that I’d regret not having any sort of birthday celebration, especially since last year’s birthday was tainted by work-related drama. So, we went out to eat. And, I’m glad we did. The moment I went outdoors, I felt better. Then, at the restaurant, C gave me a birthday card that almost moved me to tears. Best of all, my toddler did not have a meltdown. In fact, he merrily helped himself to some toast and some pulled pork and did not ask to be nursed.
In the end, it wasn’t a terrible birthday at all. I’m grateful to have been able to celebrate another year of life. I got to see my son climb down our entire staircase unassisted for the first time. I also got to watch a few episodes of my latest tv guilty pleasure, Supernatural.
And I’m alive, which is what really made it a very good day.